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Have I mentioned how freaking happy I’ve been lately? If you follow me on Instagram, this may already have been apparent to you. I am a smile-ear-to-ear grateful for everything these days person. I wish I could put this into a how-to manual for the negative-energy-sucking-non-aware people.

Does anyone know my story?
Does anyone know what I’m about to go through?
Probably not.

I have 3 DUI’s…..I am 9 months sober today and grateful for my life. I have trial in a week and a half and am looking at about 4 months in jail minimum…..with a miracle, it could be less but that is what I am looking at. I figured you all should know in case I drop off the face of the internet for a bit hehe. I could cry about my future and play the victim card a while longer but what the hell would that do for me?

In my entire unhealthy drinking/living career, I am grateful that I managed to get out from all of this without hurting myself or another. Today I get to be alive. People ask why I run so much, why I’m always in the mountains, why I do so much yoga and why am I never able to relax?
Well now you know…what’s the point of living if you can’t enjoy it? Imagine you’re going to jail in a few weeks…what would you do today?
What would you do tomorrow?

Imagine if you looked into your future and didn’t see the freedom that you have today…
WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?

Now imagine you’re not like me and don’t have to go to jail.
Look at how you live your life and think to yourself…why am I not living a more free, fulfilling life?
Why am I living in this small boring box, going to work feeling shitty about how much I hate my job, how much this hangover hurts, why do I stay with a lover who doesn’t connect with me?

Why do I allow myself to play small?
Why don’t I truly embrace my life?

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I’m reading this amazing book by Danielle LaPorte called The Desire Map. It talks about rather than create a goal list, a bucket list, a 1, 5 and 10 year plan, why not create a Desire List?
Sometimes we make lofty goals and sometimes life happens and changes us from ever getting to some of those goals….we feel sorry for ourselves and we sometimes forget our lists all together. She comes at goal setting from a whole different angle in which she says create a desire list.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL?…..in your ideal life I’m asking you this now…how do you want to FEEL?

Here is my list for the current time:

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Now she says stick that somewhere and look at it everyday, add to it, start over, get creative with it. Now look at that list, and really dissect the list…think of things that make you feel those feelings….

Now do something everyday that makes you feel some of those feelings…now do them every day. Soon enough the things you do everyday that make you feel those ideal feelings end up shaping the path to your ideal life.

On an end note, nothing makes me happier than doing the best I can with what I have. Enjoying the people I have in my life. Enjoying the freedom I have today, and when I face my hardest times, I will treat is as a meditation, a life lesson, to help others see the greatness in their life while they can. We think our lives can be so hard sometimes even when nothing really is that hard…..remember that life is about perspective and why waste it by looking at the negative side of everything.

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I’m back I’m back!!! Feels like it’s been so long! I have had a broken computer forever…I have updated a few times from my cell and iPad but nothing compares to writing on my laptop. Sometimes over the last couple weeks, I would be daydreaming about what I wanted to write about and then when I thought about it more…the thought of doing it all via phone sounded too exhausting…my thoughts move much too fast for my measly phone. Anyway I finally got off my ass and took my Mac to the Apple store and found out it was a lot easier to fix than expected…go figure.

Anyway! A lot has happened since last time I updated!  Last month I had seen Rachel Brathen for the master class and it was amazingggg. Since then I have really worked on my arm balances. I also signed up for Bryan Kest’s master class for the 18th of this month! I can’t wait to see him again, I saw him a year ago and he is fantastic!

 

Things that have happened since:

  • I turned 27!…Holy crap.
  • I turned 6 months sober.
  • I hiked.
  • I yogaaad.
  • I ran.
  • AND OUR SEAHAWKS WON THE SUPERBOWLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

 

Let’s start with my birthday. I am officially 27…When I was a little girl, I imagined that by the age of twenty-seven, I would be married with a child, living in a house that I owned and working a 9-5 job. My life is quite the opposite and I’m learning to accept it. I officially gave up trying to control everything this year. I can’t control you, I can’t control the future, I can’t control anything other than my actions…I have my side of the street to clean and that is what I’ve committed to this year. A year of bettering one’s self to the point of beaming happiness…a commitment that allows me to be completely present and content with this moment…right here right now. No one else EVER truly cares what you do and where you are in your life. Most people are always so focused on themselves that if we actually spend time trying to be someone or do certain things just to seem impressive, just to seem “normal”….well we are setting ourselves up for failure. I have come a long way since 26 and I wouldn’t change it in any way.

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So what did I do for my birthday? Well I went to a drag show with my best girlfriends of course! Haha I have never seen a drag show and its been on my bucket list! It was heaps of fun and all COMPLETELY SOBER:)

 

 

Thats brings me to my sobriety…woohoo I made it 6 months! It actually went by really fast. It’s amazing how happy I have been since I quit. Well it was really hard at first with the transition and the whole idea of “having to actually feel everything” but once you get past your fears and your ego…there is this space. A space of freedom…and that is where I am right now. I am at a place where I have the ability to be happy in every form because I let go of holding on to the one thing holding me back…and that was my alcohol problem…Anyway it feels great and I feel a lot more healthy!

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Another thing I’ve done since my last post is hike of course…heres a picture of me at Poo Poo Point! I’m coming back here sometime soon to go paragliding! 

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Here are a couple pictures from my yoga lately:

first attempt at headstand with lotus variation

first attempt at headstand with lotus variation

Brian and my first attempt at acro yoga!

Brian and my first attempt at acro yoga!

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day of the superbowl....our hawks killed it!

day of the superbowl….our hawks killed it!

And some excellent shots from my runs:

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7 mile run along the waterfront in Seattle

7 mile run along the waterfront in Seattle

So it’s been around 10 days late blogging about my challenge. I don’t really care though because half of this challenge is to get over stressing out so much with being hard on myself. I often feel that I must always follow through or I will let myself down, let you down, and let the whole wide world down. When in reality, life is simple, and if I don’t get to my computer everyday, that’s probably a good thing.

The honest truth is that I haven’t been home. I live with roommates and I don’t know how much longer its going to last here because I feel completely uncomfortable living here. It’s just one person that makes me feel this way but its enough for me to pack my bags and just prefer being away…kind of sad and maybe one of the changes I should have made was moving out…but with everything going on in my near future, the last thing I want to do it make a geographical change until I know my fate.

The worst thing is the feeling of being home but not feeling at home at all. I know I need to find another place to live but it wont be this month.

 

Despite my lack of blog updates and being away from home for the last two weeks, I really have been making slight challenges everyday. Here is a list of some of the things I’ve been doing:

 1. Teaching Yoga:

I taught my parents/brother yoga again…dad successfully got into crow to headstand and back to crow again:)

I taught my parents/brother yoga again…dad successfully got into crow to headstand and back to crow again:)

2. Inversion Practice:

Worked on inversions and really got comfortable in forearm-stand.

Worked on inversions and really got comfortable in forearm-stand.

3. Brought my little brother to his first hot yoga vinyasa class:) and he loved it and rocked it!

4. Ran My Longest Distance

Went on my longest run ever! (11 miles) I run a lot, but usually only stick to around 5 miles. Even thought this picture says 10 it ended up being 11 because i was still a mile from home and it was 25 degrees out…way too cold to walk.

Went on my longest run ever! (11 miles) I run a lot, but usually only stick to around 5 miles. Even thought this picture says 10 it ended up being 11 because i was still a mile from home and it was 25 degrees out…way too cold to walk.

5. Started Reading “Chi Running”

I started reading "Chi Running" by Danny Dreyer and I HIGHLY recommend it!!!! It’s helped a lot.

I started reading “Chi Running” by Danny Dreyer and I HIGHLY recommend it!!!! It’s helped a lot.

6. Self-Taught Yoga Flow:

Worked on my home yoga practice…this is something I have a hard time just starting since I am weird and prefer to just do yoga around others. It was fantastic and I love home practice now. This picture is just of me practicing inversions though

Worked on my home yoga practice…this is something I have a hard time just starting since I am weird and prefer to just do yoga around others. It was fantastic and I love home practice now. This picture is just of me practicing inversions though

7. Learn to THRIVE:

Practiced with my goal coach Jacki Carr’s idea by writing “Thrive” on a post-it note and placing it under my yoga mat. By doing this we really feel a power. We much THRIVE vs. just survive.

Practiced with my goal coach Jacki Carr’s idea by writing “Thrive” on a post-it note and placing it under my yoga mat. By doing this we really feel a power. We much THRIVE vs. just survive.

 

8. I went indoor rock-climbing with Jessica

9. Kayak through the Locks and Watch the Sunset:

A couple days ago I went kayaking in Ballard through the locks and out past magnolia and watched the sunset in Seattle

A couple days ago I went kayaking in Ballard through the locks and out past magnolia and watched the sunset in Seattle

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look at that amazing sunset! lots of waves started to pick up once out in the sound

look at that amazing sunset! lots of waves started to pick up once out in the sound

heading home and the color of the sky was insane. a wonderful day:)

heading home and the color of the sky was insane. a wonderful day:)

10. Say “No” When I Want to.

I emphasize the importance of being a “Yes” to your life…but sometimes we need to say no. It’s not about failing or letting you or another person down, its about doing what your heart pleases. November is a month of gratitude and I am grateful of OH SO MUCH…I have an amazing family that adore to pieces. I have great friends and a healthy body…but sometimes in November or any other month do you ever realize you sometimes say yes too much? Sometimes I make so many plans that my weeks are strung out with things that I don’t even WANT to do. I have random errands in between mediocre plans that don’t really help me live a full life…they are just things…busy things…to make others happy. I have used this word a lot lately because over everything we must create balance. Anything in excess is probably unnecessary.

 

So there you go, a little update…I’ll try and get back into my little daily update routine before the month is over and I will try to bring my laptop around with me more:)

 

Day 12: Write Letters to Everyone You LOVE!

Day 13: Shh!!! It’s a Secret

Day 14: Feed the Homeless

 

Let’s start with day 12: Write letters to Everyone I Love:

This little challenge ended up being long and time consuming. The only reason I decided to do it was to challenge my communication skills. Too often we replace face-to-face or pen to paper time with texting, the computer, and well basically everything has gone tech-based. How booooring and how anti-social. Before this challenge I realize I’m one of the most antisocial people I know! I blame Seattle. We tuck ourselves indoors and don’t go outside for about 9 months out of the year and are passive aggressive isolators.

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Okay I’m kidding…but I do have communication issues. I am a sober little thing going through my 12-step process and I’m on step 4 right now. We have to list all of our fears and explain why they are our fears. We have to write everyone we resent and why….and then recognize where OUR part is in everything. At the end of this process I have realized that I have abandonment issues and care too much what others think of me. I now see that my lack of intimacy or close relationships with people is based on being too afraid to be myself in fear of not being liked. Wow that’s a lot to actually take in isn’t it? I know that if any of you try this challenge, you will notice the same if you truly get honest with yourself.

So I spent the time, I wrote letters to the people I love…and it feels great to get all that love on paper to show people how much they truly mean to me. I will be delivering all of them soon.

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Day 13: Shh!! It’s a Secret…

If I were to tell you EVERY challenge of this month, I may be in trouble. This day’s challenge was good enough to happen; yet too personal to tell the whole 5 of you that read this blog. Let’s just say I was holding on to my past a little too much…sometimes when we get sober we have to throw away all the things that remind us of the substance…or in some cases, the substance itself. This was accomplished when cleaning out my closet yesterday and its good to wash my hands of it. End of story;).

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Day 14: Feed the Homeless

“The plain truth is that you must start giving before you start receiving. This is the nature of the Universe we live in”-Yogi Bhajan

Today my friend Jess and I spent the day giving. We made 25 different little notes and taped them to burgers and went around downtown Seattle. We thought about a soup kitchen volunteer idea but we felt this was more creative doing our own thing. Some streets are a little scary so it kind of took us a long time walking the streets…we expected to have a lot more people but basically we just gave the burgers to anyone picking out of garbage cans, or anyone with a sign. Some people had no idea what we were doing….they looked a little out of it, some people made no indication that we were even in front of them, and some told us they love us over and over again and smiled. Either way I have never done that before and it made me feel good to help others. I am grateful to have Jess who is willing to do all these things with me! Here are some pictures:

this is a picture from our 9 mile hike to Lake Melakwa today! Side crow felt sooooo good after battling tendonitis the last few months

this is a picture from our 9 mile hike to Lake Melakwa today! Side crow felt sooooo good after battling tendonitis the last few months

Even though I am obviously struggling, I try to take advantage of what makes me happy, while I can, when I can. As most of you know, I love hiking. Hiking is what brings me closer to everything…you’re out in nature with people you love, being a small soul in the middle of vast amounts of Earth’s beauty. When you are in the mountains, daily problems seem so small and insignificant. You think about the trees that are living for hundreds of years in one place…and they are there for a purpose. YOU are here for a purpose, and sometimes the simplicity of being among Earth and being happy with the way things are, as they are, brings you to reality.

 

We have a choice to do anything we want in life. We can choose happiness, or unhappiness. We can choose to dwell in our pain or fake realities, or we can get the hell outside and do what we love. I may make mistakes and may have a problem or a few haha….but I will not let a mistake kill my spirit as a human being.

 

I wrote this post today about yoga…and how when we are at the point in the pose where we want to come out of it, that’s when the pose has begun. That’s when LIFE has begun. These small/large struggles….the things that break us out of our comfort zone, the things that scare us, the possessions that are TAKEN from us that we thought we couldn’t live without?….well these are the things that shape us. We have the choice to either fight the pain….(and continue living unhappily), or we have the power to face it, let it strengthen us, and CHOOSE a different path at the end of the tunnel. The choice is always ours. In the end we all die. When we die, no one gets to judge if our life was worth living….that’s all for us…and in the very end, let yourself be grateful that you chose to do things you loved to do, every single day of your life. The choice is yours.

 

Anyway! Here are more pics from my hike today!

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…and this is why i LOVE living in Washington…

 

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“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

 

I can’t express the freeness of being in the mountains, running the trails, reaching different peaks, and taking in the vast beauty that we take for granted every single day. There is a moment when you look at your life and realize that you do the same damn thing every single day…you forget to LIVE. I am grateful to have a best friend who helps me see the beauty in everything and helps me take chances. We were joking about this today. A couple months ago I was saying how I wanted to do a sunrise hike and then yesterday Ashley texted me asking if I would do it with her and of course I said yes! We always joke that I always say all the things I want to do, want to hike, want to experience, and Ash is the person that makes it happen. We are perfect best friends because we never ever complain, we will always say yes to new adventures, and we just GO.

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How many times have you done that? If you can’t think of the last time you’ve done that, strongly consider what’s stopping you from truly living. It is not so hard to at the very least, create a mini adventure once a week. It can be ANYTHING….but as long as you do small things in between the normal things…you will add so much more to your life. When I do things like this, it gets all the blood rushing in my body; it’s like a high, a sweet happiness.

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Anyway we woke up at 3am and drove out to Rattlesnake Ledge (we chose an easy familiar hike so we wouldn’t get lost)…it was pitch black. I was scared shitless I’m not going to lie. I tried my hardest to stay present but random stories kept popping up in my head. It was dark, ash had a headlamp, I had a lantern, and we trekked up sooooo fast. Once we got there, it was literally breathtaking. The sun was still behind the mountains and the air was still a bit chilly. We did some fun yoga poses as usual and sat around and waited for the sun. Its crazy how quiet everything is this early in the morning and the birds just started chirping. The squirrels finally woke up and we saw the earth wake up. Little by little, life awoke. Then the sun rose and it was literally one of the most beautiful feelings! We felt a sense of pride and completion being up there on top of that mountain experiencing so much all before 6am.

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Afterwards we had the most delicious brunch at Eques in downtown Bellevue. We definitely splurged! I had an egg white veggie omelet and we shared these AMAZING tiramisu pancakes. After this, the manager started giving us all these free desserts and I literally had to take a nap after brunch haha. Anyway I got up, went to Bassline and did a lean running/TRX class and now I’m tuckered completely! I’m laying here fresh out the shower with some Suja juice, yum! What a fantastic day. I think I may go lay out on the lake on a floatie soon or read….either way I hope all of you know that life is short….do what you love…experience what is in front of you and stay present. I haven’t been this happy in awhile:) I will leave you with this amazing quote I found. Read it, it’s worth the inspiration:

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“One final paragraph of advice: do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am – a reluctant enthusiast….a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men and women with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this; You will outlive the bastards.”

― Edward Abbey

Remember that beautiful falls I went to last week?
Well this guy kayaks over it.
absolutely insane!

Thought I’d share:)

 

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” ~ T. S. Eliot

Hiked to Oyster Dome yesterday!

Hiked to Oyster Dome yesterday

My favorite time of the year in Washington is now. It’s the warm weather but still the chance of rainy days, sunny days, whatever…but its light. It feels light. You wake up and all the birds are chirping, the sun is rising at 5:45am, and it stays light longer.

This is the best time to go hiking. Someday it would be nice to just leave and travel the world just to go hiking and see the beauty in every country that way. Then I would at some point return home, teach yoga, and hopefully someday start a yoga studio somewhere.

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My life does not have the same heart as the others around me…I know we are all different but sometimes I feel I am REALLY different for I want nothing materialistic, I don’t even know if I want a family, I don’t know if this is a hint of lack of commitment towards everything showing right now…but that may be the case. I don’t want a 9-5 job; I don’t even really care if I ever make a lot of money.

Have you ever noticed that the more money you have, the more you feel entitled to buy something expensive like a car, house, wardrobe, vacation, and a lot of others, because you deserve it! You work so hard, you deserve to buy something… but have you noticed you then have this expensive object, you then must keep up the payments, or fix expensive repairs, worry about things getting stolen, worry about buying security for your expensive things? I think you should buy things that make you happy, but sometimes the most freeing feeling is that no matter what leaves you, what breaks, what gets stolen, will never hurt your little soul. Its true. When you have a LOT OF STUFF, you also have a lot to lose.

 

Anyway I got off topic. What I’m trying to say is that sometimes you need to just buy what money cant buy, and that’s your health, its hiking that mountain and being grateful for what is free like the beauty of this world. Its spending time taking care of yourself and forgetting all the media and materialism in this world. It was so beautiful out! We saw two snakes, a few chipmunks and squirrels, and at the top of the cliff a HUGE eagle flew right next to us! It was so amazing and close, maybe just 8-10 feet away, it was massive. Below us were also bat caves! We wanted to go see them but the trail was closed off today.922930_4691944908105_267169279_n

 

Yesterday was a great day. I go to yoga teacher training in a month exactly!!!! Been working on letting go a lot:), and living light.

 

Love&Light,

TT

It’s that simple. Get outside. Move. Live.

Washington (where I currently live), is known for our rain…”it rains all the time here”, “how could you live here”, “how can you live without the sun”, “doesn’t this place depress you?” are all common examples I get from people travel here…I even get these from people who DO live here but rather than embrace what they have, they stay inside. They work their 9-5’s and come home and stay indoors. Most the time, you can find people chugging coffee to stay alive, bundled in their North Face jackets, and the typical drinking after work or like myself, indoor gym’s and hot yoga throughout the rain season.

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Sometimes you need to just realize that some things will always be constant, like our weather. You can’t change the weather, but you CAN change your reaction and attitude towards it. You can jump in your rain boots and rain jacket, and hike a mountain, drive out to the coast, go run on a rainy run, head to eastern Washington. There is so much beauty if you open your eyes, and there is so much opportunity to be active and get in a workout at the same time. I have nothing much to say other than I’m sharing some beautiful pictures of this state that I love so much. Anyone who hasn’t been here needs to explore sometime. (I even got a little yoga in:)

“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.”

 -Rosalia de Castro

Today I had the pleasure of meeting a great group of girls for a fun fitness photoshoot for Hilary Paris’s upcoming Crave Magazine Women’s Entrepreneurship edition.

It was a lot of fun, as well as a really good workout. The shoot was held at Myrtle Edwards Beach in Seattle and the day could not be more perfect. The weather was amazing today and we got great shots with the sunset.

We were there for about an hour, and had a Bootcamp-style class where we used the logs for pushups, we did balance work on the driftwood, we used actual rocks for shoulder presswork and through rocks to each other in replacement of what we would use a medicine ball for. It was a lot of fun and very inspirational for hopefully starting my own business someday.  Anyway I thought I’d share some of the photos but not much else to write today. Hope everyone has been getting great workouts in lately!

[all photos via.paulbutterfieldphotography]

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