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A year ago I would have never in my life been able to enjoy something on my own. I would have had to call people and do things with them and cater to what the group wanted. Today I extend my invitation to where I plan to go and if no one is free, I still trudge forward.
Independence and Self-Worth are my biggest gifts theses days. It’s liberating to wake up every single morning fearless of what the world cares about my small existence. All I know these days is that I get up, and do exactly what I want to do every single day.

Yesterday I woke up early and went to a meeting then figured that Sauk Mountain has been on my list and have heard about it being short and relatively easy. I was drawn to it on the forums because the path is literally on the side of the mountain the entire time and when hiking alone, I like to be in open space. I’m so happy I did it. I have a little 2006 Honda Civic which has really gone through the ringer with all my trails this summer. The road to the trailhead felt like it took forever for how slow that I had to drive. There were a few areas with potholes and at the very end of the road, it felt like the rocks got sharper.

I finally arrived and realized I forgot my bug spray. I opened the door and instantly got dive-bombed by a bee! I jumped back in the car and closed my door.
“Why did I forget my damn bug spray!? Why did I accidentally put perfume on this morning???”

I tried again….
Once again crickets, butterflies, grasshoppers and flies all jumping and flying at me(this is not an exaggeration). I ran to my trunk to get my runners on and more bees chased me.

Back in the car. Close door. Feel like an idiot and grateful it’s just me and one other car in the lot.
“What’s wrong with me? Why do I hike alone without bug spray? Why did I drive an hour and a half for this? I fucking drove an hour and a half for this I need to quit being a baby and get the hell outside”
I roll my socks on and lace up my shoes. I attach my GoPro to my trekking pole, pray to sweet baby Jesus and get outside. I can do this. I walk over to the sign/map area.

A lovely sign read this:

[Bear Hunting Season. Please wear bright colors, Bears are attracted to scented objects and food. Please use a bear bag]

Instantly being alone and fearful, I walk back to the car, take out my sandwich and carrots and put it in my trunk and get on the trail….”just in case” hahahaha. I don’t need food, I can’t just drink water.

This is what happened to me. Momemnt by moment. I hike a lot and this is not the first time I’ve ever been alone. I had an hour and a half to drive alone to this and when I first made the turn on to Sauk Mountain Road there was a big sign about a woman named Patti who has been missing since 2010 and last seen on this trail. I know this is just one person but my mind raced and got the best of me to what could have happened to this Patti woman. By the time I got to the top of the trail with all my thoughts racing because I’m crazy, I instantly didn’t see it as a hike, but as a death sentence. You’re welcome for my unfiltered drama.

The second I was on the trail, everything diminished. I am meant to be here. I am a small part of the beauty of life and I am safe. The higher I trekked up the mountain, all my fears had left me. It was beautiful. There were chipmunks everywhere and a gorgeous view below me in all directions. It was pretty leveled and it didn’t take me very long to get to the top. I ran half the way and was just in awe of the beauty of this state. When I finally reached Sauk Lake overlook, I was taken back. How can this be so beautiful? How am I so lucky to experience so many places and I haven’t even left the state?

Too often we think things are greener on the other side. We sit on Pinterest and wish we could be in Ireland or Tahiti or wherever your ideal place is and we forget that within a couple hours, we can be greatly surprised by what’s right in front of us. I encourage you to open your eyes and open your heart to the people right beside you. The ones IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. I encourage you to see only the good in them and to love them just as they are. I encourage you to get outside and be in nature. I encourage you to stop judging those around you along with seeing the flaws in your life and where you live. Being in nature is cheap happiness so stop with all your excuses right now. Look around you and see how perfect everything is. Look within yourself to see only beauty and stop overanalyzing everything and everyone. I almost turned around and drove home yesterday because there were too many BUGS! seriously??? I’m glad I snapped out of that because when you get over the little things in life, it allows room to truly experience the BIG things in life…like being on top of a mountain and overlooking God’s beauty. I encourage you to be free.

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Getting Wild requires letting go of a set schedule. Getting Wild requires letting go of your need to be “put together” all the time. Getting Wild requires breaking through the boundaries that keep you safe. Getting Wild requires letting go of every expectation that may lay ahead of you.

So where do you land when you let everything go?
Here.
Right here right now.
OR over there…or everywhere…

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When we let go and get wild, we discover the beauty in the ordinary. We see the charm in the grass beneath our feet, the way the trees curve in different directions above us. We hear the sounds of animals we never knew existed. We feel the rain hit our skin and not worry about the makeup we’re wearing. We feel our hair begin to curl and dampen and it doesn’t even bother us. We smile in all the glory that lay before us. We scramble the tops of mountains to see the views of lakes below. We feel our body working in ways we never knew we could handle but we are…just freaking killing it at life.

Getting Wild brings you freedom. Getting Wild helps you forget your measly problems and helps you surrender to your present moment.

This last couple weeks I haven’t been blogging but did a 17 mile hike in one day on the PCT last week and this week I hiked and camped on Mason Lake and Bandera Mountain. I feel the excitement deep in my bones every single week that I get to camp and hike and the day I have to leave back to reality I get that sick vacation-is-over-i-dont-want-to-go-back feeling. I know that this is where I am supposed to be. I know that I feel immense freedom on the trails. I know that I only have about a month more or so before my freedom will be tested.

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3 months.
3 months in silent meditation that will test my inner self. It’s amazing how we take advantage of every single thing in front of us. Our beds, the roof over our heads, the privacy of our own home, the ability to drive from A to B. The choice of what to eat every day, the large amount of gyms and yoga studios and mountains and just….choices. I am learning that I am so blessed to have so many choices. We always wish we had more of everything and do not realize that if we took everything we have away right now…we wouldn’t need MORE, we would only wish for what we HAD. SO what happens when our freedom gets taken away from us?

Well that’s where I am today. I am in a transition. I have one month of roaming the trails and embracing every moment of my freedom then I will be gone. I will be celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year without the freedom to be with my family or doing what I want. I will be practicing patience. I will be writing more about the joy of life just to be alive. I will be testing my battle with attachment. I will be writing a book to teach people how to live life without attaching to expectation. It will be something I have feared for a very long time. I realize something today that I never realized a year or more ago:

Anything in life that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable probably is something you should do. For what we fear and do anyway makes us stronger beyond belief.

I believe I write, hike, take beautiful photographs, write poetry and paint because I am free. I am here to show you the beauty in the ordinary and that you can face anything in life with a smile because you always have that choice to be grateful and happy. I challenge you to let go, and Get Wild…it is your right to find happiness today.

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What a magical week!
I went on 3 hikes and turned one year sober.

I also had a handful of people say the same thing to me:
“YOU have so much to offer the world”…..I find that so beautiful….my little ears are used to my imaginary ear-plugs constantly blocking out any form of kind remark or compliment from anyone. I have learned this year to remove those imaginary ear-buds and accept the words of others and accept that I am a worthy person capable of helping others. Most my life I felt so broken that the thought of helping others seemed absolutely impossible. How can one help another if they don’t even know who they are in the first place?

My life is growing. I feel so much change and evolution within myself and I can barely contain it. Today I hear people say that I have so much to offer….and I finally can stop, think and really say “YES! I agree”. I really feel that my story, and the things I have gone through in life can help so many other people. The thought of being a guiding light for another makes me giddy as I sit here typing this. I remember about 6 months ago reading about desires and the importance of setting an intention. I remember waking up every morning and thinking, “God, I desire to feel empowered and vitality…..I desire to empower others”….and I said that every single day for a while amongst other things.

WIthin this past month, I feel this. I feel my confidence slowly rising and my fear subsiding. I feel my words towards others really lifting them. I used to only use this blog as a way for spreading my word but now I see it around me…..it’s an incredible feeling.

So the last three days really defined my new blog name! It’s funny how true this blog-name-change came along…..I created it and find myself truly on the trails or in the water everyday:) Being in nature combined with living a loving, positive life really makes everything better….I feel if others saw the brighter side of things, we could all help each other grow…..

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love?’ These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will be many fruits, here in this world and the life to come”
-Henri Nouwen

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(above: after climbing a few waterfalls, I reached a place to swim. isn’t washington amazing?)

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(trail-running to lake melakwa)

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(climbing waterfalls)

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(next day: hiking to Barclay Lake with my brother)

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(this is why i need to buy a professional photography camera….i want to be a photographer someday!)

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(it was too cold to jump in, but we thoroughly explored the area)

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(brother bear exploring the meadows)

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(we had our own private beaches)

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(just hangin!)

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(day 3////last night where we went hiking/trail-running till 9pm)

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(the sun before our head down the trail)

What a glorious week! You have SO much to offer….we all do. Make the most of this beautiful life!

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“Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars… and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. Everything is simply happy. Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance. Look at the flowers — for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are” ~Osho

Nature is Love. It’s simple happiness. The Osho quote perfectly describes life around us. Everything has happiness just as it is. Nothing to strive for, nothing to be worried about, nothing to be heartbroken over. Life happens all around us with pure joy no matter the circumstances.
Today I worked then spent the day running the trails in Seattle. It’s amazing how alive the city gets this season. Every restaurant is flourishing, the markets are flooded with people and the trails and parks are filled with people enjoying the sun and soaking in that vitamin we all barely get through the other 8 months of the year. I have noticed when I hike, when I am out on the trails….I am happiest. I could be with friends or I could be alone and I feel the exact same feeling. bliss.
We were meant to roam and explore. We were meant to be happy. Whatever is going on this very moment, whatever pain you may feel….remember that although it may hurt right now, it will pass and life will be beautiful just as it is. Sometimes I go through pain(especially this past year) and I realize the more I don’t give it power to ruin my day, the less I worry, the better things work out. Things have been working out….and I find peace in nature.

Back to my trail run. I haven’t been running with my Runkeeper app in months. It’s liberating!!! I am not training for any races right now because of my circumstances and I realized that this past year I have slowly let the pace thing get to me. I would beat my best pace and over time I would try to get faster and faster and when I don’t beat it, I feel defeated…like I’m failing. How absolutely dramatic of me…but it’s what has been happening. I switched things up, I stopped using my Runkeeper, stopped tracking my miles, put the electro house music on hold and paused. This summer I have only been running with country music, with books on tape, with sermon’s from my church and I have been relaxing my pace. In this instance, my run’s go longer, with more relaxation and the ability to be joyful. AS WE SHOULD BE. Things will change when I can train for the marathons and such but for now, I live every single day in peace. Serenity from keepin’ up with the Jones’s, serenity from self-criticism and serenity from anything negative.

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After my run I stopped and picked some blackberries. Here in Washington they are all starting to ripen. I got a little carried away and by the time I got to my car I noticed:

1. I have a random Mason Jar in the trunk
2. There are hundreds of blackberry bushes all near my car! Score!

The addict in my little head told me I need to find every blackberry before I go home… So tonight I made a delish little dessert with my berry-winnings!

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dont they look amazing???…..and kind of not completely ripe yet. i got a little excited

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dessert

a sliver of chocolate cake with a scoop of greek yogurt, my blackberries and a scoop of ground chia/flaxseed/cacao :)

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It’s a rainy afternoon here in Washington.

but it’s been in the upper 80’s all week so It’s been nice….Eastern Washington’s wildfires also need this right now.

Usually I would be up in the mountains on Wednesdays but it was thundering and lightning and I didn’t feel like being out in that. I decided to lay low, rest and practice yoga. I have a power class tonight but today i focused on my inversions at home.

I love the quote that I stumbled across today mostly because it mentioned mermaids but when you read it, it describes me quite well.

“I have no fear of depths”

I don’t have fear when things get complex, when a conversation gets deep and uncomfortable. I don’t mind when you tell me the most horrible stories that have ever happened to you or from you. I don’t mind tears and pain and anger…..along with deep joy and happiness….It’s all beautiful to me. Authenticity is key. I believe in opening your heart and really talking about how you feel. I may not be prefect at it but that is the beauty of it. There is something so beautiful about a person really discussing their passion, and opening up like that.

“….a great fear of shallow living”

Who in God’s nature likes this? Enjoys shallow conversation and white lies to make the image of yourself look better. It’s too often that I talk to people that have nothing to talk about. The extent of our conversation is meaningless small talk. They are going through nothing, they think about nothing and they only have shallow conversation to share. It bores me…I want to know the real you and not the plastic version of yourself.

I think this is why I am single. Too often the men I meet try to create themselves into the kind of man that they presume I would be interested in. I see right through it all but it’s interesting to stand back and just watch them unfold. I have been single for a long while now. I told myself when I got sober a year ago that I would not settle with just anyone anymore. I would know my own worth and be willing to patiently wait for the right person. I want someone who shares the same passion as me so that if we are together, we can do the same things: hiking and eventually a person that will willingly do larger scale hiking and traveling. Someone who loves to run and get outside with me or enjoy yoga. Someone that doesn’t NEED to really know what the future unfolds. Someone that doesn’t care what others think of him and doesn’t need constant reassurance of his worth. Someone who doesn’t need to party like a child….someone who has got his party days out of the way and has no need to try and relive those memories. Someone who can see the beauty in everything and someone who can grow in love with his life and the people in his life without judgment. Someone who is honest and knows what he wants.

There you go, a little post about depth and shallow conversation linked to relationships:) the beauty of not needing to write about fitness!

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I did it! I did it!
I changed my name….hahaha something I’ve been contemplating all year! It feels so right…it makes me want to update all the time because I feel that my little blogging identity has been rejuvenated to a more authentic feeeeeel, if ya feel me?

SO here I am. No longer tiarefitness.com because if you have been following my blog for the last couple years, well I don’t give a rats ass about trying to appease anyone with specific fitness needs. I may lose a lot of followers but in the big scheme of things, I have found MYSELF.

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feels refreshing.
I’m going to kill you all with my horrible grammar and spelling typos because my shitty Mac lost my normal Word Doc program but I no longer care! I will update you more via mountain adventures and through my little struggles I am soon facing in my near future…

So here I am….tiny trail mermaid. It may be a little ehhhh….but it fits better. I am 5’3 and petite((hence tiny))….I am from Hawaii and grew up there for the first 12 years of my life. ((hence the mermaid part)). I moved here to Washington when I was 12 and lately, as you can see, I have been throwing myself into adventure in the GREAT PNW. I love it here and always have but this year has brought new meaning to my life. I have truly found who I really am and most of this was through being a year sober as of this month, finding true passion in my yoga practice, and finding myself….especially in the mountains. I love to trail run and hike and recently started camping on those long treks.

I’m not going to go into detail about my life because it is still the same life I have been living. The only difference is a name…I didn’t want to be a fitness blog. This is just a blog about my life and the adventures I take, and the little things I do day in and day out to become a better person.
This is a New year. A WHOLE YEAR SOBER.
Change is surely happening and I want to make sure I can write about it without making this just about fitness.

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I saw that quote yesterday and thought about it over and over again…and again…and again….
I pictured my life and the things I capture. I used to capture everything. I used to capture all my friends and I no matter what we were doing. I used to take a million selfies and photos talking about weightloss and muscle gain and meal prep….I’d take photos at the gym, at the workout equipment, and “post-gym” photos where I was sweaty and gross. I took pictures of before an after shots and basically any single workout that I participated in was photographed and sent off into the inter-webs hoping for approval from well….YOU.

What did I fear to lose?
I feared everything. I had major vanity issues and insecurities with myself. I feared losing my fit body…I feared not being admired (even though no one was really thinking about me in the first place). I was borderline struggling with an eating disorder. Not the traditional anorexic/bulimic disorders but more of a body-dysmorphic disorder. I feared losing my party-friends. I feared leaving my horrible boyfriend-turned-ex for a long portion of time. I just feared being ALONE WITH MYSELF.

I meant well, I assure you….but as time has passed I have lost a lot of need for approval. I ask God for guidance every single day to help guide me in the direction of his path…and to help me become a beacon of light for myself and others. Along with this, every singe day at some point I internally tell myself: “It is no business what other people think of me”. I sometimes have to repeat this more than once throughout the day but I believe it helps me grow into a confident, radiant human being. Since my life changed one year ago, all I need to do is be the best, kind person I can be. Every day I have the opportunity to be better, be kinder and go on more adventures.

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I think about the way things are now. The way I forget I have a blog, and forget that I ever cared that much for it in the first place. I have been diving into Instagram as the only thing I truly make use of these days….and why is that? Well I LOVE the photos without necessarily needing a lot of words and I love the beauty that shines through each profile as a little map to the users soul.

So what do I fear to lose today? Have you checked out my Instagram lately? It’s basically a “WHY YOU NEED TO VISIT AND HIKE WASHINGTON” Instagram:) I fear to lose the beauty of the world. I fear to lose my freedom. Some of you know I won’t really be on any form of social media soon and my photos truly show that. They show me bucket-listing my summer away! It’s been hard with my best friend recently moving to Texas but at the same time I think it’s helping me grow a little…okay a lot. It’s helping me be alone and accepting that. With what I photograph, it shows how much I LOVE being out in the fresh air, running the trails, visiting new sites, jumping in different lakes, spending time with my family and best friends and just LIVING. LIVING without caring about the meaningless junk of life. Getting off work/the computer and getting outside. All sober….so crazy I am one year sober this month.

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A few months ago I made a list of things I wanted to do and here are some of the things I have done since summer started:

  • went skydiving
  • hiked trails at Mount Rainier
  • went paragliding off a cliff
  • went on a solo trip to DIablo Lake!!!! (this place I had never been to and have always wanted to go)
  • went for an overnight hike with a friend to Mt. Pilchuck and stayed in a fire tower
  • went on an overnight trip with my brothers and camped over Goat Lake
  • went trail running to Talapus and Olallie Lake
  • swam in Mason Lake at the top of Bandera Mountain and got to see fields of Beargrass!!!(a plant that flowers only every 5-7 years…insane and gorgeous)
  • visited Vance Creek Viaduct and hung my little legs off the bridge(which is the second highest arch bridge ever built in the US)
  • started saving for Bali ($1300 so far!)
  • visited the Chihuly Garden and GLass Museum

I can’t think of any others right now….but trust me I’m living. So grateful.
Life is so short. Create an adventure and take lots of pictures….you never truly know how much time you have. All you have is now.

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